“I did something else that night. I sent him a text message and I told him I forgave him. I also apologized to him. Yes, that’s right. I apologized.
A close girlfriend of mine thought I was nuts. ”You did WHAT?!!” she shrieked.
I explained to her exactly what I explained to him – forgiveness doesn’t mean that what he did was right, or a good thing to do. It was douche lord behavior. It doesn’t free him from the consequences of his actions, but it frees me from being a victim and carrying around a poison that I may inadvertently poison my future gardens with. The relationship has been over and will continue to be over, but he’s the one who’s always wondering “what if”- not me. Me doing what I did shows that I used the relationship to evolve; for personal growth, while he continues to use the same self serving, albeit destructive, behavior patterns and wonder why he isn’t seeing different results. I can’t be angry with someone who is so unhappy with themselves that they cannot see outside of the self; I have nothing but compassion now.
You can’t control what other people do, you can only control your reaction. Anger won’t grow a garden, let alone produce crops that will feed a soul. It’s a proven fact- plants exposed to “angry” music show stunted growth, while plants exposed to classical music grow better.
Nurture is a verb; nurturing requires action. Inaction is action – it’s a decision not to act. Remember that whatever you nurture will flourish and grow, so watch the seeds you’re planting. And manure makes great fertilizer.
And when your boyfriend is a douchebag, be the better person, not the better douchebag. Just saying.”
From Hello Giggles
“Answers can only aspire to be important. Questions remain forever relevant, forever eloquent. Answers are science, questions are poetry. We can learn so much more from poetry than science.”
- Guillermo Del Toro (The Best American Non-Required Reading, Introduction)