March 2012
7 posts
“I did something else that night. I sent him a text message and I told him I forgave him. I also apologized to him. Yes, that’s right. I apologized.
A close girlfriend of mine thought I was nuts. ”You did WHAT?!!” she shrieked.
I explained to her exactly what I explained to him – forgiveness doesn’t mean that what he did was right, or a good thing to do. It was douche lord behavior. It doesn’t free him from the consequences of his actions, but it frees me from being a victim and carrying around a poison that I may inadvertently poison my future gardens with. The relationship has been over and will continue to be over, but he’s the one who’s always wondering “what if”- not me. Me doing what I did shows that I used the relationship to evolve; for personal growth, while he continues to use the same self serving, albeit destructive, behavior patterns and wonder why he isn’t seeing different results. I can’t be angry with someone who is so unhappy with themselves that they cannot see outside of the self; I have nothing but compassion now.
***
You can’t control what other people do, you can only control your reaction. Anger won’t grow a garden, let alone produce crops that will feed a soul. It’s a proven fact- plants exposed to “angry” music show stunted growth, while plants exposed to classical music grow better.
Nurture is a verb; nurturing requires action. Inaction is action – it’s a decision not to act. Remember that whatever you nurture will flourish and grow, so watch the seeds you’re planting. And manure makes great fertilizer.
And when your boyfriend is a douchebag, be the better person, not the better douchebag. Just saying.”
From Hello Giggles
A Girl’s Guide To Dealing With A Break Up
[Me for NY Press]
“Answers can only aspire to be important. Questions remain forever relevant, forever eloquent. Answers are science, questions are poetry. We can learn so much more from poetry than science.”
- Guillermo Del Toro (The Best American Non-Required Reading, Introduction)
What Men Say And What They Really Mean
What Women Say And What They Really Mean
[Me for The Tangential]
People do insane shit when they’re in love.
To keep it, to retrieve it and to have it for themselves only.
