February 2012
10 posts
“It was pretty much the blonde girl in the alley in the horror movie who keeps getting killed… . I felt bad for her, but she was always more interesting to me than the other women. She was fun, she had sex, she was vivacious. But then she would get punished for it. Literally, I just had that image, that scene, in my mind, like the trailer for a movie—what if the girl goes into the dark...
Dear Boyfriend, I Don’t Really Care What You Wear… Well I Do, But I Don’t.
[Me for The Vine]
Last night I was sexually assaulted in the street (well, tonight, but I’m publishing today so I’ve edited as such). Let me be clear on this; I wasn’t actually physically harmed in anyway, but I was put under threat for my bodily integrity (that I might be raped or beaten), which, in Australia at least (I’m not entirely familiar with the laws in the USA but I assume they are...
Me for thesomethingfineproject:
I still remember the day you stood before me, even though it’s been years now, clutching my still beating heart between your blood stained palms. You looked down at it in utter confusion. It was like you didn’t know what to do with it, like you just wanted to throw it away or better, stuff it back where it belonged…
Take Me Out To The Ball Game (But Learn The Rules First)
[Me for NY Press]
Dear Broken Heart, Meet McScary
[Me for NY Press]
A Bi-Hemispheric, Katy Perry-Centric Guide To Your New Wardrobe
[Me for The Vine]
Some Questions I Have About Madonna’s Stupid New Video
This is just a really expensive ad for the Super Bowl, right?
What is a Super Bowl?
Is it really true that only luv can make you a playa?
What’s luv?
Is this video telling us that women are just faceless sex objects with the primary objective of supporting sportsmen?
Am I being a gross femmo bitch right now?
What’s...
January 2012
22 posts
I’ve Figured Out How To Make A Relationship Work
[Me for NY Press]
Am I Over-Sexed? How Much Is Too Much?
[Me for NY Press]
Walking through the pharmacy aisle of condoms can be just as anxiety inducing as a Holiday inn buffet line. Do you really want the chicken, when there’s the honey-glazed ham–ooo look at those parsnips. Condoms are the same goddamned thing. You get caught up in questions of self and other. There’s His pleasure. Her pleasure. Hot sensation. Cool sensation. Vibrating. Vibrating ring. Vibrating ring...
The One (You Always Go Back To)
[Me for NY Press]
Guys don’t complain about foreplay. We recognize that, hey, sometimes it ain’t no merry-go-round, but even the worst blowjob is better than the best sandwich. Yet, friends of mine who are girls are always complaining that HE doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing down there, whether it’s with his fingers or with his tongue (though the complaints usually surround the ancient art of muff diving)....
What It Feels Like To Get Dumped By Someone You Shouldn’t Have Been With In The First Place
[Me for NY Press]
Sometimes I get down. I get down on the d-floor. I get down on the boy. I never get down like Chris Brown.
Right now I’m getting down like a sad fox. And it’s all miserable, stupid, white girl problems at the end of the day, and once I’ve done with the wallowing I’ll be infinitely happy again because that’s the beautiful thing about white girl problems, really. But...
How To Do A Secret Shit
I’ve done a lot of secret shits in my time, that is, a shit in front of someone else, whether they’re in the bathroom with me, or listening to me on the phone or watching me on Skype, when they don’t actually know I’m shitting. I think we can all agree that all girls wee in front of each other — but it takes a brave girl indeed to go the whole hog...
Dear Beyonce,
Firstly, congratulations on the birth of baby Blue Ivy. I am sure she emerged into the world covered in liquid gold rather than amniotic fluid the way lesser babies are. I am very excited for her to start presenting her super power, and I predict that in 2012, in her first year of life, she will out-meme even Ryan Gosling.
I am writing to you as a fan, friend and Greek. I am...
The Mystery Of The Elusive New Year’s Eve Kiss (Or Reasons You Must Put Your Tongue In Someone Else’s Mouth When The Ball Drops)
[Me for NY Press]
The Second Best Kanye West Related Thing Of The Day
[me for VH1]
I Tried Online Dating And I Lived To Tell The Tale
[me for NY Press]
I started a playlist called SONGS FOR WOMEN. You should listen to it when:
Some guy is being a douche
You don’t want to listen to Adele
You’re bored at home and start drinking wine and need to dance on the couch, bed, kitchen table etc. (the reason I started it)
It’s Friday/Saturday night and you’re getting ready to go out with the girls
Any time when tiny, coloured...
December 2011
10 posts
I’ve been thinking a lot about my new year’s resolutions because I only managed to complete one of two last year (get an iPhone. The one I didn’t do was watch all of Buffy again), and I think it’s time to start setting some higher expectations for myself. I figure, the higher the expectation, the more I have to do to fulfil it, so even if I only get half or even an eighth...
I once met a girl who was just like me. She spoke every word that came to her mind and she spoke it like it was the most important word she would ever speak. Mostly they were irrelevancies and oddities, and some were lofty, grand things. It was all so big, so fanciful, almost childlike. And as she spoke I saw myself for the first time, and I saw why it was so hard for him to love me. But as she...
I’ve recently been dumped (duh Kat, like, can you talk about anything else?), and I’m trying to put a positive spin on the whole thing, and not take it to seriously (duh Kat, do you take anything seriously?). Here are a few reasons why it’s awesome to be dumped:
You can dance-cry to Robyn
You can have amazing sex with your criminally good looking ex-ex
You can have amazing...
Yesterday I was dumped. Today I received the following advice/support from the experts:
1. “Maybe it’s time to start thinking about freezing your eggs” (thanks mum)
2. A free code to try online dating at a site my friend works for (thanks @MarinaCukeric)
3. Japanese doll baby (thanks @KirillS)
It means a lot just knowing you guys are here for me.
I’m one of these people; you know, one of these fucking people. I walk around every day in fear. With worries. I’ll get something, for instance, a shiny red apple, straight off the cart from some organic on organic on organic farmer’s market trolley and I can’t quite bring myself to bite it. Instead, I’ll make up a series of useless anxieties and not let go of them,...
November 2011
15 posts
When I was a little girl, I dreamed that I’d meet a boy and we’d build a giant fort that took up the whole bedroom. We’d make it out of multi-coloured sheets and fill it with pillows, then we’d crawl inside. Once inside, we’d kiss on the lips and eat fairy bread, then we’d write down all our wishes on pieces of paper, fold them into boats, and float them in...
